This week, Cheri invited us all at The Village to do a little exercise. Three times a day, every day, we were supposed to pray: “God, forgive me and help me to forgive (PERSON’S NAME) for (WHAT THEY DID OR DIDN’T DO)”. You see, it’s really hard to stay mad when you’re praying for something or someone. It worked for Cheri this week as it worked for me before.
I had a really little thing, in the big scheme of things, I needed to forgive friends for. Two of my friends, then newlyweds, Ian & Jessica, were moving into their first home. As a good friend, and Best Man in their wedding, I showed up early. They were a mess. They weren’t fully packed on moving day. They had a huge amount of stuff. Most of their family was elsewhere and few of their friends showed up. So, it took about 18 or 19 hours on Moving Day to move them.
Not a months or two later, they were to help me move into my first, post law school apartment. Not only did they not come help, they tried to get others, including me, to go out and have fun where they were. I was furious. I was asking for an hour or two of help, having given them a pretty full day, but they couldn’t even do that. I had it with them.
Another friend suggested I was not being a follower of Jesus in holding onto that grudge. I needed to let go. She was right. I wanted Ian & Jess in my life. They are still dear friends, and we had many sorrows and joys in that paths that are our lives to left to share. So, I followed Jesus and forgave and asked their forgiveness.
Cheri had us tell a great story in worship. In Mark’s Gospel (Chapter 11, Verses 23-25 for those following along at home), Jesus is talking to the Disciples in the last week of his life. He is talking about embracing the “God-life” (The Message translation, the Bible we use in worship is very contemporary). He is instructing them on praying. How if you ask, it will happen. He then adds, sort of, oh, by the way, when you pray, forgive.
Jesus says that because it is just no good to live with something eating at you. It keeps us in that state of separation from God. My unwillingness to forgive Ian & Jess, and others, made ME broken & separated from God. It’s not about them, it’s about me.
Forgiveness is connected to the basic choice of compassion or hate. Jesus was all about compassion. He took the higher ground. He saw the humanity, the brokenness in all of us. Now, he would still hold the powerful accountable when their actions affected those without power. He was the champion of justice; but when it was one on one, he would look for the pain inside the abusive power hungry leader and treat that person with the compassion of God.
You see, compassion is the motivating factor underlying forgiveness. When I fail to forgive, I am getting stuck in MY anger. I’m failing to dig down deeper, to that rich source of compassion that is my true self, my baptized self, the self that chooses to be a follower of Jesus.
Cheri shared her story of a need to forgive her Dad. Cheri’s Dad James was a Methodist Minister. He loved Cheri, and his family dearly. But, James had his issues on dealing with his youngest daughter. Cheri found him emotionally absent. He was overly critical. He showed some of the dynamics of abuse, but never technically crossed the line. Cheri was very angry with her dad for not dealing with stuff. Worse, still, just as they were getting to working their issues out, James died suddenly and without warning.
He had lived in his head , trapped in a bad situation. This was something he passed along to Cheri, closing off, not sharing feelings. She had to do years of hard work in therapy to get passed it. Finally, Cheri was able to forgive him.
That’s because she found her compassion. She realized that he did the best with what he had. He had bad issues with his Mom. He was unhappy and trapped in his job. But he was a small town pastor in Kansas. They didn’t have the good levels of support they have today. And, then, the last thing the small town pastor could do is go to therapy then anyway. He just couldn’t find a way to be happy. Cheri found at her core she loved her father and he loved her. She discovered, what we all hate to admit about those who anger or annoy us, they’re human, and worthy of our compassion. What he had done wrong was between him and God. So, now she holds onto that realization when dealing with others.
In the end, forgiveness is letting go. Because it’s better for us to let go. It’s not really about the other person and whether or not they are sorry. They will had to deal with God on that. So you don’t have to wait to forgive the person based on whether they’re sorry. They may not even be alive still. You can forgive someone because you need to let go of the negative feelings inside of you, that are making you feel broken. You can find your compassion for the brokenness in that person, even if they have not yet discovered how broken they are.
What about you? Is there someone you need to forgive so that you can be free from those feelings that are hurting you and eating away at you? I’ve got someone I’m working on. Someone I don’t want to deal with. How about you? It’s not about whether they are sorry; They may die on us before they make their peace. It’s about whether we want to let them have that power over us or whether we can let go, and give them to God, and get on with our lives. It’s about finding that deep well of compassion inside. It’s hard, I know to try to be like Jesus. And that’s all we followers of Jesus can do, is try. We are going to fail from time to time, but as Christians, we try again.
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