On Saturday, a couple hundred people from NW Ohio, walked in the 4th Annual “Out of the Darkness community Walk” at Olander Park. Most of those who participated had lost a loved one to suicide. There were about dozen of us from The Village, and among our group alone; we had at least 3 or 4 people who have lost family members to suicide. There were plenty of folks at the walk who have suffered severe depression, to the point of hospitalization, and folks who have tried to commit suicide themselves. I had the privilege of offering a prayer before the walk began. We gave thanks for the strength and sense of community of all the people gathered there, and for the hope represented by the folks who might have come close to giving up on life, but who are still here, and have found the light of God, shining strong through their darkness.
Have you ever experienced a “Dark Night of the Soul”? It’s an ancient spiritual metaphor, used by Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas, and later by 16th century poet and mystic St. John of the Cross. He wrote about the spiritual journey as a journey of the soul moving from the hardships of this physical life until we move to a point of spiritual maturity and union with God. We move from our dark night of the soul, where everything seems lost, to a place of brightness and light, where we feel the presence of God all around us, and we are filled with hope. It’s not a physical journey, but a journey of the soul.
Many who have gone through some sort of deep loss and come out on the other side to move forward in life in a hopeful way, know what I mean by a dark night of the soul. Or some of us, who have hit rock bottom with an addiction, and then been able to turn a corner and feel pretty successful about leaving the power of that addiction behind; well, you know what I mean about a dark night of the soul. It is possible to walk into the light – and claim that light. Now we all know it’s quite possible, at any moment, to slip back into the darkness, but it also a very real choice to hold onto the light.
The spiritual writer and teacher, Henri Nouwen, has been a guide for me, and for many people out of that darkness. Today, I would like to introduce him to you if you do not know him. And if you do, well, then, you can just use this time to reflect on what you know of a great spiritual teacher.
Henri Nouwen was a Catholic priest who lived from 1932 to 1996, much of his life in the United States and Canada, as a professor, and later a pastor with the L’Arche community for mentally handicapped and severely disabled persons in Toronto. He also suffered from clinical depression. One of his books, The Inner Voice of Love, chronicles a period in his life when he was going through deep depression. He agreed to publish his writings from this period, much later, after the fact, because his friends and colleagues urged him that we could learn from his ‘dark night of the soul.’ You see, Henri Nouwen’s gift was his authenticity – “being real.” He had an insight into the heart of God, that few other people have, and yet he struggled with his own sacred worth.
His writings, more than any other 20 century writer, have formed my personal theology. He calls me to believe, without a shadow of a doubt that we are all beloved children, of sacred worth. He taught me that I am God’s beloved child, and every one of you are a beloved child of God – and everyone out there in the world is too – and that is why I am so passionate about justice and equality and about ministries of healing for ALL of God’s children. And yet – Henri Nouwen, who taught me this, was deeply lonely, and often depressed.
We learned after his death, from his closest friends, that though he was a celibate priest, and chose to honor that tradition in his church; he was also gay, and struggled with that reality. He was a priest in a church that did not, and still does not accept homosexuality as a gift from God. And so he was conflicted. Undoubtedly that was a major trigger for his depression. I tell you this, because it’s an important piece of information for many of you. And because we know that depression is high and the suicide rate is high among LGBT persons in our world, because of the lack of understanding. We still have far to go. And it will take churches like The Village to help counteract the bad theology that has been the foundation of the oppression of gay folks for so long. Now, back to Nouwen’s story.
Henri Nouwen wrote and published 40 books on spirituality. We read them in pastoral care classes in seminary. He has been a life line for so many pastors and lay church leaders, who understand that we are all wounded, and that God loves us anyway. He even wrote a book called “Wounded Healer” which reminds us that we are all wounded, and that’s why we all need to come to church a be real and care for one another.
The Psalm we read for today, could easily have been written by Henri Nouwen or any one of the people who have read his books and been inspired, to crawl out of the darkness and reach toward the light of God.
But here is the most important thing I have learned from Henri Nouwen in all my years of reading his wonderful books, and learning from his life as a wounded healer. Are you ready?
I have learned to pray – and to stay in the conversation with God – and to listen to that voice of God inside me.
Listen to what Nouwen writes:
”Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change? Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of will power. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way." (from The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen).
Henri Nouwen, through his writings, taught me to pray, and to trust God. In my early years as a pastor, I read just about every one of his books. Often in the early morning, I would sit down with my coffee and my journal and one of Nouwen’s books for my morning devotional time. Perhaps because I have struggled with some depression in my own life, having a spiritual teacher who also suffered from depression was comforting to me. But Nouwen always finds a way out of the darkness and into the light of God. And so he helps me do that too.
Do you have a daily prayer routine? If you don’t, then I’d like to invite you to try it this week. There is nothing in my life that has been more important. If you’re in a “dark night of the soul” and need to find some light, I can’t think of a better way to begin that journey, than to take some time with God every day, just to sit and listen for what God might say to you. If you don’t have a clue how to start then give me a call and make an appointment and we’ll sit down and talk about it. Or talk to another wise friend around here. There are some experienced praying folks around here that can guide you. Or just pick up one of Henri Nouwen’s book at the library and start reading it.
You see have been doing this series on “Followers of Jesus Worth Following” so that we might learn from some great spiritual teachers. The example from Henri Nouwen is a simple one. Life is hard. We all struggle: even published authors who are admired around the world. He wrote a book about his clinical depression that is one of the most uplifting and inspiring books I have ever read – because he made the journey with God and he came out on the other side with God.
If you are in a “dark night of the soul” or even if you are just having a bad day, follow the lead of the writer of our Psalm for today, and from Henri Nouwen, pour out your heart to God, and listen. Seek the light of God – it’s there looking for you. God’s light is always brighter than our darkness.
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