Paul (the biblical writer and the first church planter of our
movement as Christians) said in one of his letters to a group of new
Christians becoming the church in city named Philippi, : “Make my joy
complete.” Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be
obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough
to lend a helping hand”.
Today we are going to talk about selfless love, this is the last
in our series on healthy relationships. Selfless love – the kind that
means we give up our power and put someone else ahead of us. We put the
scorecards away, and we decide just to care, because it’s what Jesus
would do for us.
In worship we showed a scene from the “West Wing.” It’s a favorite
TV show of me and Kurt. In the scene, Leo McGary, who is the
President’s chief-of-staff, and his best friend, is in trouble.
Information has been leaked that in the past Leo was hospitalized for
alcohol and prescription drug addiction. He cleaned up his act before he
came to work at the White House, but someone from the other political
party has gotten a hold of his personnel record and they are going to
crucify him with this information.
Leo’s staff finds out that a young clerical worker in the White
House is the one who leaked the information. They decide to fire her, of
course, but before they throw her out of the building, Leo has her come
to his office. You see, he wants to ask her what was she was thinking
when she read the file and decided to leak the information.
In the video, she tells Leo her father was an alcoholic. He was
dangerous. She tells Leo she gave the information to a family friend
because his role is too important to be held by a person like her dad.
They spend a few minutes getting to share their stories and she says
that he is not what she thought what he was like. In the end, he
realizes her courage in trying to stop something bad from happening.
Leo gives her another chance. He has all the power
over her and her job. Her action had potentially ruined his career,
totally ruined his life. But he takes the time to meet her, and to
listen to her story. He does not see himself as better than her. He’s
probably not surprised to find out there is an alcoholic in her family.
Lots of families are touched by alcoholism. I think Leo has some
compassion for this woman because he knows how alcoholism hurts a
family. He knows she has broken the law by leaking the file. But he
realizes that she was really just trying to do the right thing, to
protect her country. She misunderstood what kind of man Leo was, because
she did not know him. She made assumptions. Ah, assumptions, we all
make them don’t we. They had a little talk, and got to know one another
a little better. You could say they cleared the air through a little
honest communication. Wow, how helpful would it be to engage in some
honest communication.
He had the power to throw her out of the White House, no
questions asked. She would be without a job with the snap of his
fingers. But here’s what Paul tells us to do: “Put yourself aside and
help others get ahead.” That’s how to love like Jesus did. And that’s
what Leo did. That woman’s actions caused him to admit publically, his
addiction, and he nearly lost his job. It was a huge embarrassment to
the President. But Leo put that all aside, and showed mercy upon her,
that minor White House staffer.
That’s what it means to love like Jesus loved. But here is the
thing: they had both made some mistakes. Leo had a problem. There was no
denying that. And the woman broke the law by leaking a private White
House personnel document. No one is perfect. And so Leo, in essence,
says to the woman. We are all broken people. Let’s admit that. And let’s
both get back to work. We are all broken, no perfect people allowed.
He does not consider himself any better than her or any worse.
He’s the White House Chief of Staff, one of the most powerful people on
the planet, she’s a little clerk.
You see, that is the key to a healthy human relationship:
recognizing that no one person is better than another. We all fall
short. And so we can all do well do live with some humility.
Because even Jesus lived with a dose of humility. Listen to those words of Paul
one more time:
1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his
love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of
the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then
do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited
friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to
the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be
obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough
to lend a helping hand.
5-8Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He
had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he
had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at
all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took
on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed
human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special
privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a
selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a
crucifixion.
So what do these words mean to us in our closest,
human relationships? When you’re in a conflict with those closest to
you, there are times, when being strong and loving, means that you set
aside yourself, to let the other person get ahead. Now, I did not say
that one person always gets walked all over in a relationship. I said,
when you are strong and loving, like Jesus, it’s ok to let the other
person get ahead. It’s ok to humble yourself so that your partner, or
your child, or you mother, or the person you supervise, can win.
You don’t have to win every time, even when you are right. It’s a Jesus thing.
Leo let that woman win her job back, even though she was wrong, because it was the Jesus thing to do.
Parents give children another chance, all the time,
because it’s a gracious thing to do. Now there is a difference between
letting children get away with everything so that they grow up as little
self centered monsters who think they will always get their way in
life, and giving them a win, now and they, so that they understand
grace. It’s OK every now and then to give them a win so they understand
grace and compassion.
When I am in a power struggle with my husband, and he
with me, sometimes one of us just gives in, because we don’t need to be
obsessed with our own advantage any longer. The greater good of moving
forward in our relationship and getting on with our lives is more
important than winning that particular day. That is humility. Have you
been on the receiving end of that grace sometimes? When you can give it
too, that’s humility.
Jesus wants us to live in humility, willing to put
ourselves aside, so that others may experience the love and the grace of
God. When we step aside and care about the other more than the win,
that’s living like Jesus. It is really that simple. We are God’s
instruments. When we step out of the way, and others move forward, God
is the one who is blessed, and we are all better off. So let’s love like
Jesus. Let’s be filled with his love, and share that love with others.
There is a tradition in many churches of kneeling
before God. Getting on our knees and praying. It’s a chance to
practice humility. To be humble before God for a minute. Wherever you
are reading this, think about taking a minute of doing just that. Get
down on your knees (if you can, if you can’t just bow your head down,
that’s an act of humility too) and pray to God. Pray about that concern
on your heart, that relationship you’re concerned about, whatever.
If you need a place where you can find someone to
guide you to relationship with God and others like this, look around,
they are out there. If you find yourself near Central & Monroe in
Toledo (or coming soon to Maumee) come join us.
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