Cultivating Joy and Gratitude by Cheri Holdridge (with an assist by Patti Lusher)

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Lyrics by George Harrison

George Harrison wrote that song in 1969 but it sure speaks to us in 2014 in this winter of all winters. We want the smiles to return to our faces after this long weary winter. We are not used to this much snow. Even if you enjoy the seasons and like some snow, enough is enough. We need some sun. We need some Vitamin D. For those of us, like me, who suffer from seasonal depression, the snow, that traps us in our homes, just makes it worse. We are longing for the dog days of summer when we can bask in the sun, go to the park, go swimming, have a picnic, plant a garden and do all those life giving things. Are you with me?

But wait a minute. On second thought, summer is not all it’s cracked up to be either. By the end of summer, it can get downright miserable too. If we have air-conditioning, sometimes we just hide out in our homes because it is too darn hot. And if we don’t have air conditioning, don’t get me started. Summer is brutal. We complain, and we long for Fall when we will get a break in the heat. Maybe this is all about our attitude.

Today we wrap up our series based on the book by Brene Brown called The Gifts of Imperfection. As you recall, Brene Brown studied people and our connections (or lack thereof) with one another, and learned that our shame around not being worthy keeps us from experiencing what she calls whole hearted living. In her book she calls us to let go of who we think we’re supposed to be (that is, who the world tells us to be), and to embrace who we are. Wholehearted living is all about our attitude.

Dealing with this weather is all about our attitude, too. We can complain and moan and make ourselves more miserable or we can decide, it is what it is. And remember that the sun will return, and get on with our lives. Because complaining is contagious and being miserable is contagious. But guess what? Joy and happiness are also contagious. Which attitudes would you rather spread?

When I was living alone in Findlay, Ohio, and coping with some seasonal depression one winter, I started buying myself fresh flowers to put on my desk at work every week. Do you know why? Because it gave me just a tiny bit of joy every time I saw them. It was winter outside but it was Spring in my office every time I saw those flowers. I knew the sun was coming and it made me smile to see those flowers. My Spiritual Director suggested I buy the flowers as a spiritual practice. My Spiritual Director, Sister Breta, is a wise woman. She shares my value to not spend money on unnecessary things. So at first, I thought her suggestion was a bit extravagant. But a few dollars for some grocery store flowers is a small price to pay, to bring myself joy in the midst of a dreary winter.

Psalm 126 is a classic prayer of someone who knows the cycle of emptiness and joy. The writer explains that the farmer who sows tears also reaps joy. What a great image! Out of our sorrow God brings us joy. We never remain in the valley. God brings us out. God restores us and fills us with laughter and joy. What a promise! If we can just hold onto that image when we are in those dry and dreary times, or those cold and bitter winters. Here comes the sun. The winter cannot last forever.

This Psalm is written by someone who has lived long enough to have some wisdom. The long cold winter cannot last forever. Tears turn to joy eventually. The writer points to God as the source of our joy.

There really are two kinds of people in the world when you come right down to it. One type of person experiences tragedy and gets mad at God or says: how can there be a God when such terrible things happen to me? A loving God would never let this happen.

The other kind of person experiences tragedy and trusts that in time God will bring joy. That person feels the presence of God weeping with her and knows that God’s way is the way of joy and healing. This is the person who lives in the way of whole hearted living.

Brene Brown says, in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, that people who live with whole hearted living find their joy in some practices. One of these is practicing gratitude. They don’t just have an attitude of gratitude, they actually practice gratitude. Brene Brown gives a great example. She says she has a yoga attitude. She values mindfulness, breathing and the body-mind connection. She has a yoga mat and yoga videos. There is just one problem. She has never yet practiced yoga, at least not by the time she had written this book. She had never done downward dog, or the warrior, or tree pose or any of those. You see, attitude does nothing if you do not practice (The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 78).

People who have a sense of joy reported that they actually practice gratitude. They keep a gratitude journal, or they do gratitude art, write gratitude prayers or stop during the day to say: “I am grateful for…” (ibid. 79).

The psalmist writes about joy. When we know God in our lives, we experience joy. When we are connected to God, we know joy. But for some of us joy is elusive. For some seasons in our lives joy is elusive. Why is that?

Brene Brown studied joy and happiness. She discovered that there is a subtle difference between the two. She found some good definitions for the two in the work, interestingly of a Methodist pastor, Anne Robertson, who is the executive director of the Massachusetts Bible Society. I’ll have to teach you a little Greek here, so bear with me. The word happiness comes from the Greek word makarios which describes freedom from normal cares and worries or someone who has received good fortune of money or health. The word for joy is chairo which means “culmination of being.” Robertson says joy “is found only in God and comes with virtue and wisdom.” Joy “isn’t a beginner’s virtue; it comes as the culmination.” (ibid 80).

So happiness is good fortune. But joy is something much deeper. We need both. We need to cultivate both. But in order to cultivate both joy and happiness, we need to understand what prevents us from experiencing these two things. What blocks us?

One of the blocks is fear. Let me give you an example. Like just about every parent on the planet I have a fear that something bad is going to happen to one of my kids. I first experienced this as an aunt, long before I became a mother. I was living in Cincinnati and my sister and her husband and three kids were living in New York City. I offered to take a week’s vacation and have my nephew and two nieces come visit me in Cincinnati. I arranged to meet my sister at a United Methodist camp ground somewhere in Pennsylvania, half way between. We spent the night and the next day I loaded the three kids into my car, feeling like the best aunt in the world, excited about all the fun things we had planned. And then it hit me as I pulled out onto the highway. My sister had just entrusted to my care her three beautiful healthy children. What if we got hit by a car? What if something terrible happened to them while they were visiting me? I could never forgive myself. I felt so vulnerable. My joy was completely overtaken by my fear.

I was able to put my fear in perspective and have a wonderful week with the kids, but the fear could have paralyzed me. Whole hearted living means that we can give into the joy and not let fear rob us of joy.

Fear is a sense of scarcity of safety, but there are other types of scarcity that block us from our joy. Brene Brown quotes Lynne Twist who writes about the myth of scarcity. Twist says that some of us start with scarcity from the moment we wake up in the morning. Does this sound like you?

“For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ The next one is ‘I don’t have enough time.’ Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining or worrying about what we don’t have enough of… we don’t have enough exercise. We don’t have enough work, don’t have enough profits. We don’t have enough power. We don’t have enough wilderness. We don’t have enough weekends. Of course, we don’t have enough money – ever….

“And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day.” (ibid, p. 83)

We are a nation hungry for more joy, says Brene Brown, and we are starving from a lack of gratitude (ibid).

The spiritual response to scarcity is sufficiency. But sufficiency, says Lynne Twist, is not “a quantity of anything” (ibid). Sufficiency “is an experience… a knowing that there is enough and that we are enough” (ibid).

So, we need to practice experiencing not just sufficiency but abundance. One of the ways to do this, is to revel in the joy of the moment. What can bring a smile to your face that does not cost a thing? (Or costs very little?)

·      A slow walk in nature

·      Some fresh flowers on your desk or on your kitchen table

·      Taking a moment to look at your child and celebrate the gift of him or her

·      Looking through some photographs that bring you joy

·      Playing with your pet

·      Taking a deep breath and being grateful

·      Making a list of experiences for which you are grateful

These simple practices of celebrating enough can turn our thoughts of scarcity into thoughts of abundance.

At another level, though, we need to allow ourselves to have fun and just be silly.

In 1987 the songwriters Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh composed “Come from the Heart” which included the following lyrics:

You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’
It’s gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.

These are good words to live by. If you want joy, you need to allow yourself to be free to sing and dance and love and not worry about what anyone else thinks.

Do you have a favorite song, or play list that you play, when no one else is around, that allows you to just cut loose? Or maybe you dance with friends and just laugh until you cry?

One of the reasons we pay so much money to go hear our favorite musicians is because they allow us to feel our deepest emotions and to experience joy. Music speaks to our hearts and wakes us when our souls have fallen asleep.

So I invite you this week to do something that connects you to your joy. Do not let this winter drag you down. We each have the ability to cultivate happiness and joy in our lives. We don’t even have to wait for the Spring-time sun. We can find our joy now. God invites us into joy every moment of every day. Choose one thing, anything, that brings you joy and do it. Practice joy and find your way to whole hearted living. Amen.