An Act of Love by Cheri Holdridge (with an assist by Patti Lusher)

Two members of our church are getting married this afternoon. Their wedding has given me a chance to reflect on commitment and relationships and what they’re all about. When I counsel with couples who are getting married, I always ask each person in the couple, “Why do you want to marry this other person?” I get a variety of reasons. But one of the most common is this, “She accepts me for who I am, I can be my true self with her.”

Isn’t that what we all want? To be fully known and accepted. One of my favorite definitions for intimacy is this: to know and to be known. I think intimacy is what we are looking for in a life partner. Most people define intimacy as emotional closeness. The website Men and Intimacy defines intimacy in this way: “It occurs when two people are able to be emotionally open with one another, and reveal their true feelings, thoughts, fears and desires. This can only occur when both people are able to genuinely trust one another, and feel able to take the risk of being vulnerable.” (Source: https://www.mensline.org.au).

Two of those factors are crucial: trust and vulnerability. When we trust someone we can let down our guard and let our true selves show, warts and all. In an intimate relationship, the two people trust one another to be honest and to be faithful. It takes time to build this kind of trust. And when this trust is broken it can take a very long time to restore it.

Vulnerability is another part of intimacy. It is related to trust. In vulnerability we show the dark underbelly of our personalities. We confess our sins. We share our fears. We show our weaknesses. We can’t always be strong and if we are going to be in an intimate relationship, we have to be willing to be vulnerable.

Intimacy can happen in a primary relationship of a married couple who decide to make a life long commitment. But it can also be shared between two good friends. Intimacy happens anytime we let down our guard and let our true selves be known.

Our scripture for today is a story of intimacy. Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus were known to be close friends of Jesus. He often stayed at their house in Bethany when he was traveling that way. Not long before we pick up our story for today, Jesus had actually restored Lazarus to life after he had died. This family was indebted to Jesus.

In this story we find ourselves six days before Passover, the Passover that is the time of Jesus’ death. Mary, Martha and Lazarus ask Jesus to stay at their home for dinner and Jesus and his disciples accept the invitation. Martha serves the dinner. You may remember from another story about Mary and Martha that Martha was usually in the kitchen working hard, and Mary usually sat at Jesus feet taking in his every word.

On this night Mary did a very peculiar thing. “Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, anointed and massaged Jesus’ feet, and then wiped them with her hair. The fragrance of the oils filled the house.” The disciples were shocked by the act. Judas was outraged and said that the oil could have been sold for a large sum of money and the money could have been used to care for the poor. The scripture says he really did not care about the poor. He was the keeper of the disciples’ treasury and he would steal from it. Nonetheless, they were all taken aback by Mary’s act.

Jesus scolds them and says: “Leave her alone. She is anticipating my burial. You will always have the poor with you but you will not always have me with you!” He puts them in their place. But what of this act of Mary?

She is bold in showing her love for Jesus. She is drawing all these people into an intimate moment between her and Jesus and quite frankly, it makes them uncomfortable. You see, a woman would not usually remove her head covering in public in front of men. Mary let down her hair and wiped Jesus’ feet with her hair.  And think about it, massaging someone’s feet is a very intimate act, in those days usually reserved for husband and wife. Rev. Chana Tetzlaff writes: “Mary is shameless as she steps far outside the bounds of convention, teetering on the edge of scandal.  Mary’s actions are laced with a wanton tenderness found between married couples, not an unmarried man and woman.” (Source: http://modernmetanoia.org/2016/02/29/lent-5c-a-scandalous-gift-of-love/).  Remember that Jesus often crossed the line of the social conventions for women of his day. He spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well. He forgave the woman caught in adultery. Scholars throughout the centuries have asked themselves whether something more was going on here between Mary and Jesus. Chana Tetzlaff writes: “Of course there was something going on between them. Mary has fallen in love with the Christ, with God the gracious lover of souls, who looks with compassion and a multitude of mercies upon all who turn to him for help. Like others throughout millennia, like the Disciples … like Paul, like you and me, … Mary is in love with the God who loves her. Mary adores the God who adores her.”

Mary shows her love for Jesus in a scandalous way, but she is preparing him for burial. In her grief, her love knows no bounds. She has been known by Jesus for all she is. He accepts her and loves her. They had an intimate relationship that a savior has with a beloved disciple. Mary makes herself vulnerable because that is what a person does in the presence of the Christ. One opens one’s heart to the truth of who one is. One confesses and lays bare one’s soul.

So what does this say for us, 2000 years later? Is it possible for us to have this sort of intimacy with God? Well, intimacy with God is similar to human intimacy, but different. Because you see, as Matt Slick writes: “To have an intimate relationship with God means that the deepest part of you is having a relationship with a deep part of God. Of course, we cannot fathom the deepest part of God.” (Source: https://carm.org/christianity/devotions/intimacy-god). But Jesus is God in the flesh as a mediator, so this means that we can have intimacy with him (ibid). We are called into koinonia, which means fellowship, also translated communion, with Jesus Christ. This communion refers to the communion supper and at that supper Jesus humbled himself by becoming susceptible to death. This humility is the key to true intimacy with God. Matt Slick writes: “As Christ was humble to the point of death, so we, too, must be humble to the point of death, that is, death to ourselves, our selfish desires, our personal wants. When compared to God, our purpose should not be to see what we can get from [God]. It should be to glorify [God] and to love [God]” (ibid).

So if we want intimacy with Jesus, then we are to put aside our selfish desires and our sins and simply love Jesus. Easier said than done. But this is the goal, to open ourselves to Jesus, to know and be known. To be fully ourselves in the presence of Jesus. This means letting our true selves be seen and being vulnerable. I don’t know any other way to do this, than in prayer. In prayer, we open ourselves to Jesus. We confess our sins, our fears, our failures, our vulnerabilities. We lay it out there before Jesus. Because Jesus has already laid it all out there for us by dying on the cross. Jesus humbled himself even to death, and invites us to die to ourselves that we might live for him.

Can we lay our souls bare before Jesus and be honest about who we are? Can we love Jesus with everything we have, not holding anything back? Not equivocating. Can we give our whole selves to Jesus, not just our Sunday morning selves? This is what Mary, in her boldness, invites us to do. To love Jesus with our whole selves. To be vulnerable, and to allow Jesus to love us in return. Intimacy is a blessing. Amen.