Ever have a sibling? Raise a set of siblings? Get into a competition with child your own age? If not, feel free to fall asleep this morning or skip this blog. When I was in the 9th grade, I was in competition with Jimmy Martinez over who would get to be Editor of the Jr. High newspaper. I wrote a great editorial , with meat and substance and edge. Jimmy wrote about graffiti and was trying to get in good with the teacher.
When he won, I held it against him all through Jr. High and High School. I avoided him like the plague, because I was holding a grudge. And in the process I deprived myself of the chance to be his friend. He never knew it.
A few years ago we became friends on Facebook. I figured I could get over it after these decades. Suddenly I discovered we care about all the same things. We had the same likes and dislikes. In fact, he has been a huge fan of the Village from far away in Abilene, Texas.
Thirty years later, I was invited as one of Jimmy’s circle of close friends, at a party at his house, on the weekend of our 30 year high school reunion, I made my confession. We had a big laugh about it. I was the one who had lost out. Of course Jimmy forgave me. He never knew I had been mad at him all those years.
I like Jimmy so much now. And now I look back and I wonder what did I miss in all those years that we could have been friends? I feel so silly now for all those wasted years. I feel ashamed of myself. How could I have been so petty?
You see I did not think there was enough Jr. High status to go around. Jimmy got the status of being the newspaper editor and I wanted that status and recognition. Never mind that I was still on the newspaper staff. There were plenty of other things for me to do in Jr. High. And it appears that I turned out ok. At the time, it was the most important thing in the world.
As a mature adult now, I really try to celebrate each individual person, and recognize that we all have different gifts and every gift is of value. We don’t all have to be the star! But back there in 9th grade I had a small view of things. And so I could not be happy for Jimmy when he got the job that I wanted for myself. I didn’t think there was enough recognition to go around. I wanted a piece of it, and Jimmy got my piece!
I think a sense of there “not being enough” is at the heart of so many problems in otherwise healthy relationships. We fight over stuff and power and status. But Jesus tells us over and over again, that those are not the things that will bring us joy. A friend who will be there for you when it’s not convenient and love that is tenacious when life gets ugly: that is what brings us joy. There is always enough love and compassion to go around, because God is love and God gives us the capacity to love. We just have to do it for each other.
But we are human beings. We don’t think there is enough love, and so we get caught in rivalry and competition about stuff and status. Has this ever cause you problems in your relationships? So we come to the story of Jacob & Esau. They were the twins of Isaac and Rebekah, here’s the way the Message tells it (Genesis 25:19-34 for those following along from afar):
21-23 Isaac prayed hard to God for his wife because she was barren. God answered his prayer and Rebekah became pregnant. But the children tumbled and kicked inside her so much that she said, "If this is the way it's going to be, why go on living?" She went to God to find out what was going on. God told her,
Two nations are in your womb,
two peoples butting heads while still in your body.
One people will overpower the other,
and the older will serve the younger.
24-26 When her time to give birth came, sure enough, there were twins in her womb. The first came out reddish, as if snugly wrapped in a hairy blanket; they named him Esau (Hairy). His brother followed, his fist clutched tight to Esau's heel; they named him Jacob (Heel). Isaac was sixty years old when they were born.
27-28 The boys grew up. Esau became an expert hunter, an outdoorsman. Jacob was a quiet man preferring life indoors among the tents. Isaac loved Esau because he loved his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.
29-30 One day Jacob was cooking a stew. Esau came in from the field, starved. Esau said to Jacob, "Give me some of that red stew—I'm starved!" That's how he came to be called Edom (Red).
31 Jacob said, "Make me a trade: my stew for your rights as the firstborn."
32 Esau said, "I'm starving! What good is a birthright if I'm dead?"
33-34 Jacob said, "First, swear to me." And he did it. On oath Esau traded away his rights as the firstborn. Jacob gave him bread and the stew of lentils. He ate and drank, got up and left. That's how Esau shrugged off his rights as the firstborn.
Both brothers thought there was not enough to go around. Esau was really short sighted; he was hungry and could not think about anything but his next meal. How often do we make decisions for instant gratification? (But that’s another sermon for another day.).
Jacob was all about the power, at the expense of family. He was all about himself. He had no comprehension that somehow there was enough love and blessing to go around, so he was constantly tricking his brother out of what was rightfully his, as the firstborn.
Well, we didn’t read this part today, but there is another story where Jacob tricks Esau out of the father’s deathbed blessing, which was huge. Jacob finally has to flee the country because of all the terrible things he has done to his brother Esau. Many years later, after Jacob has married, and has children, and has herds of animals (which tell us that he has not fallen into financial ruin) he returns to his homeland. But he is scared. He is afraid that Esau is going to kill him after all the horrible things he has done. And honestly, who wouldn’t blame.
But guess what happens? Jacob has a sleepless night, wrestling with God as he reflects on what he has done with his life. But the next morning, Esau greets him with open arms. Jacob is ready to give half his possessions to Esau in the hopes that Esau will not kill him, and Esau says: “O brother, I have plenty of everything, keep what is yours for yourself.”
That dear Esau! The brother who was cheated out of everything by the conniving younger brother Jacob, could have been bitter, but instead, he welcomes his brother with open arms. He is the hero of the story. There is not a competitive bone is Esau’s body. “We have plenty,” says Esau. There is always enough love to go around, (and there are enough sheep, and goats too.)
Can you imagine walking up to someone that you have been rivals with for your whole life, and suddenly one day, all that rivalry is just gone, and you can relax, and just care about one another and be thankful for the blessing of each other?
That’s what it means to be in a mature, healthy relationship. It is hard. We can do this for one another: every one of us. We can’t control all the people out there, but we can be a model for them what it means to believe that there is enough love and compassion to go around.
Esau is our model for today. If Esau can do it, we can do it too. Jimmy Martinez taught me the lesson. I have been holding that silly grudge against him for more than 30 years, being mad at him for getting the Editor’s position when I think it should have been mine. It is what it is. Jimmy is a good person, and so am I. There could only be one editor. Jimmy got the job. I am the one who chose to be angry. Kurt said for awhile, “let go of it already. So he was the editor”.
But here is the thing, the anger just hurt me. It did not hurt Jimmy because he never even knew about it. And even if he had known, anger based in competition is just an ugly thing. We all have gifts. Why not just celebrate gifts in one another and be happy for another person? Wouldn’t that be something!
So, my friends, we have a choice in our relationships, and in our outlook on the world. We can choose to believe there is not enough to go around: not enough stuff, not enough status and recognition, and we can be resentful when someone else gets what we want.
Or we can chose to believe there is enough. That God give us enough. We can celebrate the victories and the gifts of others. And trust that there is also enough blessing for us too. Imagine trusting that there is enough blessings for us all.
So, what will you do? In response to this sermon I want to give you a chance to talk to someone about this, and to pray a simple prayer for one another if you will. This is going to take a little work, but find someone to talk to about this. Here’s what to do – Share a situation when you have felt competitive or jealous and it got in the way of a relationship, and when you are done share with each other. Then I want you to pray for each other, here’s a sample of what to say: God help (PERSON YOU ARE WITH’s NAME) let go of the need to compete and to know your love is enough. Amen.
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